My Reasons

Why can’t anyone see?
I am not ok, I am not well…
I am trying to scream out
trying to call out…

I have no reasons to feel this way,
I have no need for your help,
I have the perfect life.
This is what you say.

But I need help,
for reasons I do not know,
for needs I can not understand,
for life is not making much sense to me lately.

I feel like I’m in a tar bubble,
the darkness and the thickness is suffocating,
my lungs are full of it, my mouth is coated with it,
I am trying to breathe but air escapes me.

Every night I question whether I should say good bye forever,
and every night I convince myself to be strong,
live through this, fight through this
for them, for all who say they love you.

Every night I go to sleep wishing to never wake up,
for nature to have an unfortunate but merciful ending to my life,
every morning I am disappointed to see the sun again,
and it gets harder and harder.

Why shouldn’t I leave behind my reasons and my last wishes?
Dying young is such a romantic idea after all.
Maybe I should put this body to sleep,
drain it of life, close my eyes and rest.

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